That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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