u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
