I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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