i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
