it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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