it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
