I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
