I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
