he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
