Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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