I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
