So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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