found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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