I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
