i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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