im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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