update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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