Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
