Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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