Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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