ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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