your parents love me but you hate me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The adults are the big ones right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
