apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
