we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am one with the molecules
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
