he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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