just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
