i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
