we have officially lost it.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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