tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
