i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
