you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
