He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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