so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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