So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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