I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
