I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
