Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
