I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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