Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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