Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
