When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
