I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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