There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
