I'm jealous of your bromance
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
