Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
