I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
