Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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