It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
