its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
