I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
