Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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