So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
