a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
